Adulting Part Three: Tights Are Not Pants
Tights are for the little girls who still have their mom putting their shoes on them and fixing their hair.
In an article I read this morning was this sentence: “Women are flocking to purchase a “designer vagina” after ultra-tight leggings have become uncomfortable or embarrassing thanks to the dreaded “camel toe.”
Set me right off.
It’s cosmetic surgery to reduce your lady junk.
I guess people don’t know it camel toe was a “thing” several years back.
Tights or leggings are not pants.
They’re not.
When Boomer gals were in their twenties, had they worn tights out in public, there would have been very, very bad behavior by Boomer guys. I imagine because a lot of modern guys have been socialized to be more feminine (you can thank modern feminists for that), they are afraid of behaving like real guys around girls, so gals know they don’t have to worry about showing off every wiggling wrinkle on the southern half of their torsos.
One vacation, several years back while driving to our destination and after many, many hours in the car, I asked my guy (who was on the high side of age 50), what a camel toe is. After spraying Coke all over the inside of the windshield from horror and laughter he wanted to know where I had seen that phrase. Apparently, it’s a “thing” in porn, but as I informed him, it’s a “thing” with the younger generations as well.
Now in case you don’t know what “camel toe” is, it’s “crotch cleavage”, lady crotch cleavage, and guess what? It looks like a camel’s toes. I informed my guy that there’s been an epidemic of camel toe involving women wearing tights.
Search on “Fake Camel Toe Underwear”. Yep. You can buy underwear with heavy padding and a molded camel toe appropriately placed. Put it on under your tights and show off a pretty epic camel toe if you want. Why not? You are practically doing it now. It’s out there and you can order online today.
Do you know how silly you look in tights?
Wear them to the gym under your jeans, to yoga, to bed, but not out in public.
The old goats are staring at you.
It’s not classy.
It’s not about modesty, though a little of that would go a long way in some cases; it’s about respect for yourself and your body. If you don’t leave anything to the imagination, the pool of guys to pick from will dwindle, if that’s what you want.
Guys need gals and if you’re scaring them away by putting it all out there and they are afraid to behave instinctually (again, you can thank modern feminists for that) they’re going to resort to looking at porn.
Once guys start looking at porn, they become worried that they’ll have to perform like what they see in those videos and will abstain all together, according to “experts” (search on “why boys are afraid of sex”) (seriously, I read this on the Internet – it must be true) and you will have fewer and fewer babies.
This becomes a vicious snowball of events all because of tights.
And, if you are married or in a monogamous relationship and wearing tights, get over it, get rid of them. Tights are for the little girls who still have their mom putting their shoes on them and fixing their hair.
Not you.
Adults have bigger imaginations with hopefully a better sense of fashion. Be comfortable after you get home and put the kids to bed. Makes the end of the day worth looking forward to.
Then there are the old goats, some of them have weak hearts, some of them smack into walls staring. It’s happened. Spare them the spectacle.
Seriously, tights are bad, especially if you’re a Boomer trying to be “cool”, you’re overweight, or you’re a man.
Body shaming?
Perhaps.
Tights are bad, unless of course you’re attending Starfleet Academy.