Five - Homeschooling Series: Social Considerations
How many preteens or teens for that matter do you know in the school system who can construct whole sentences and have meaningful conversations beyond pop-culture?
The issue of socialization always manages to come up when someone is considering homeschooling.
How many preteens, or teens for that matter, do you know in the school system who can construct whole sentences and have meaningful conversations beyond pop-culture?
Are they socialized?
I get many questions about how I homeschooled my student. Especially once one finds out he’s an Aerospace engineer working in his field since graduation.
My student was what experts call “highly gifted”, which presented its own unique degrees of difficulty with homeschooling. There’s always an aura of mystery portrayed when the subject of giftedness comes up, and that was as much of a stumbling block as it was a “gift”.
I pulled my kid out of school then because I felt the school system would do harm to who he was. I imagine the idea that the school system will do harm is present in decisions being made about homeschooling in the current education environment.
The nuts and bolts of what you need to do to homeschool, no matter what your situation is, will be similar to what I had to do, and it is all common sense stuff.
Homeschooling is not just curriculum. It is a myriad of decisions about a lifestyle you’re choosing for your family.
This is the fifth edition in my homeschooling series. These are my thoughts on “socialization” for homeschooled kids.
This series, which is periodically presented on Thursdays, will deliver common sense ideas for those who want to homeschool or who are already homeschooling and need some new ideas. Links to the previous editions are below.
Anymore, there really are not any social considerations for homeschooled students unless you live in a cave on top of a mountain in an isolated area.
Even in this case, if you have Internet, academic isolation is difficult.
Social consideration was an issue put out there by the Public school system years ago when many felt (some still do) normal “socialization” meant having your kid be around same age peers learning the same thing all day, learning to value all the same material things everyone else does.
Is this what we really want socialization to be?
A well rounded adult knows how to deal with people of all ages and values a variety of things, issues and ideas. Homeschooled students tend to have a broader age-range of friends than their schooled peers, which encourages maturity.
Homeschoolers are not isolated from others of their age; they meet and socialize with peers in their neighborhood, on sports teams, in volunteer activities and other academic endeavors.
This fosters self reliance.
In the case of the gifted student, who tends to have a broader age range ability to socialize, homeschooling offers the ideal environment for this need. Also, note, gifted students are often bored with too many same age peers so homeschooling feeds their natural thirst for the unusual and for a broad range of social interactions.
My student thrived because of this aspect of homeschooling.
In general, and with a little networking and little effort by families, it is easy to find avenues for social and intellectual interaction.
The Overscheduled Child & Performative Parenting
A friend once commented to me about another parent “they drive them to a bunch of activities and schedule so many things for them to do that when they don’t have anything planned for them, they don’t know what to do.”
I asked “so do you think that makes them a good parent?”
They replied, “this parent thinks they are super parent, when really I have observed is all that they have with those kids is a superficial relationship because they don’t really spend any time together, rather they let all these non-family members coach, instruct and mentor their kids.”
Now one could take that conversation as gossip, but it made me realize the very special relationship homeschooling parents end up having with their kids because of the time we spend coaching, instructing and mentoring our kids.
Personally, I think many activities outside the home are used more for babysitting than anything else.
Organized soccer for five year old kids - are you kidding me?
Show me a five year old that is “too busy” and you’ll find parents that just want to have someone else be responsible for their kids for a while.
And if you think it is enrichment, think again.
If you quiz them at age 20, 25 or 30, they don’t remember the “enrichment” activities, even if they were interested in them at the time.
I wanted to research this observation my friend made and found that this is a real problem in today’s world, it’s called hyper-parenting, we just missed it at our house.
“Hyper-parenting” occurs when parents over-manage and over-schedule their child’s life.
There’s also the term “helicopter parents”. Helicopter parents hover and they are always on the lookout for threats to their children’s success and happiness.
And then there’s “performative parenting”.
I’ve read recently about the phenomenon of “performative parenting”.
“It is a version of parenting that positions itself in front of an audience seeking a reward and identity beyond actual parenting.”
Think Facebook.
Think Instagram.
Think Pinterest.
Think Twitter.
Think TikTok.
These are all arenas where children are displayed, judged and approved or disapproved of - winning the parent online praise or criticism. This is performative parenting.
It’s the online praise they are after.
It seems that parenting has become a competitive sport.
I imagine most homeschooling families won’t experience these phenomenona, but maybe not.
I imagine that many parents of gifted kids might see this happening in their family because often with a gifted child we feel we must give our children all the opportunities we can.
It has been my experience that if you let kids be kids, they turn out to be pretty healthy, well adjusted and personable people complete with their own opinions, set of values and responsibilities.
Remember, family is a priority, the relationships we cultivate with family matter more than anything else.
Character counts; demonstrate the values that matter to you, because your children will ultimately emulate you.
Childhood is a journey and kids should not be expected to be little adults and sometimes that happens with the gifted kid.
Your student deserves “unplanned” free time to pursue interests. Also remember that fun has a place in parents’ lives too. Parenting and homeschooling can be draining at times. Take time to do what you want to do. Spend time with adults you love
Trust Yourself.
Take what “experts” have to say with a grain of salt. Assimilate useful ideas, cast off that which you disagree with.
When it comes to your family, you are the expert.
That last idea is the big one; you’re the expert when it comes to your kids.
The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap Paperback by Alvin Rosenfeld (Author), Nicole Wise (Author), Robert Coles (Foreword)
I absolutely loved this take on socialization
Love the Essay, we are homeschooling our three kids (4th, 3rd, and 1st) and wouldn't go back. I was also homeschooled through the 3rd grade. The artificial socialization of our kids by strict age segregation hasn't existed in history, and doesn't exist upon graduation from high school.